41 years. Yes, that’s right. I know it’s a shock to most of you. But my boyfriend and I have been married for 41 years as of yesterday. I know! How can anyone so young be married for that long???? *grin

This past year has been especially fun, exciting and yes, interesting. Our oldest son, Nathan, asked his Lovely Lindsey to marry him and in two short weeks, we will all be in Cancun for the wedding. Along with that excitement, we have also had to Live Life on Life’s Terms. This is when we are challenged to not only take the love and excitement of all the good we receive from the Universe with gratitude and humbleness, but to also take what can be considered adverse occurances and turn them into opportunities. If there is one thing we have learned as a couple, it is to try very hard not to focus on what the problem is, but to focus on what we can do to solve it. As a result, it gives us a perspective during our trying times of knowing, deep in our hearts, that this, too, shall pass and a ton of good is going to come from it. And, so far, this as proven to be true every single time.

On this anniversary, we spent our day in constant gratitude for what we have. We have each other, our family and our friends. And as soon as we feel we are overwhelmed with all that, we have to remind ourselves that there is no such thing as a limit on abundance. Or a limit on miracles. And so the strongest prayer in existence is said: Thank You.

I have mentioned before all the ways I try to be more relaxed, more centered, more Not In A Snit. That is all well and good but there are those times where relaxing is not on the agenda and I need energy! Now! Especially with the Holiday Vortex that is about to hit.

I was inspired by this from an article I read in the ‘Real Simple’ magazine, July 2010 issue. The title was ‘25 Instant Energy Boosters‘ and when I was reading all the ideas, I was pleased to see that there were some that I was already using but many more that I plan on adopting. Here’s the link to the original article for those of you who are interested:

Are you like me and there are those mornings (more than we like) where energy seems like a foreign concept? I have and there are some steps I take to overcome that. While I am waiting for the coffee to brew (I have heard that a Watched Pot Never Boils and it’s true!) I cheat and shower using my Coffee Body Scrub. It is a combination of coffee grounds, corn meal, almond oil and peppermint essential oil. After using it, you’re going to want to rename it, “Well, Good Morning!” Not only does it give you a quick mood lift, it makes your skin feel oh, so smooth. The best thing is how easy it is to make. Other than the essential oil, you probably have all the ingredients necessary to make it. I have thrown everything in a bowl within a few minutes while the shower is heating up. And I can guarantee that it will definitely get you going! Another trick I have in my shower is using a stimulating essential oil in my shower gel. Peppermint, rosemary and any citrus scent (orange, lemon and grapefruit) are known to perk up the senses and mood. Adding these oils to a non-scented gel is easy-peasy. I get my organic glycerin liquid shower/hair gel on-line at www.thegourmetrose.com. I purchase a gallon at a time (for around $25.00 plus shipping and handling) and use it for my shower, hand soap and dish soap adding different essential oils to each one.

On those extra tough mornings when the shower might help, but not quite make it better, I have a trick where I will choose a color to wear that is bright and cheerful. Coral and yellow are my Go To colors to make me look my best, even if I’m not quite feeling it inside. It is known among color experts that red, orange and yellow are considered the most energizing, while cool tones (like green, blue, indigo and violet) promote calmness. If you’re just not Feeling It, you might as well Look It!

Aromatherapy is a big part of trying to help myself to relax or feel more energy or have more clarity. Here are a few essential oils that can help with what we are talking about today: Energy!

Citrus has been a scent used by many manufacturers of soaps and other bath products to promote a sense of well-being. The simple act of cutting a lemon or grating a grapefruit can make one feel good just by smelling the freshness of the citrus. Essential oils with these scents are easy to find. Try orange, lemon, lime, grapefruit or a combination of two or all of them. For a quick pick-me-up, try moistening a cotton ball with a few drops of any of those scents and inhale. Bergamot is another citrusy-smelling oil that you might like.

Jasmine and Peppermint: Dr. Alan Hirsch, a neurologist in Chicago, says that jasmine increases beta waves, which make you more alert. He also says that peppermint stimulates the trigeminal nerve, which stimulates the area of the brain responsible for arousal and can make you more alert. And who doesn’t need that on occasion?

You can utilize these essential oils when making your own products. Here are just a few that are easy but carry a great reward:

Hand soap and lotion: Make these and keep them on your kitchen and bathroom counters. Every time you wash your hands you’ll receive a nice little lift from the smell of peppermint or citrus and you’ll keep your hands hydrated. Always a challenge when your hands seem to be in water all the time!

Air mist: Simple and yummy. I have not purchased air sprays for years. If you take a look at the back of the cans, you will see ingredients that are basically man-made chemicals. We have no idea what the long-term consequences are by inhaling these chemicals so I have chosen to make my own so I know for sure what I am breathing. My mist is water, alcohol (or witch hazel) and an essential oil. Again, it is fast and easy to make and you choose what scent to use.  When I do smell a man-made air freshener, I can’t help thinking that my citrus blend smells much better than their ‘Tahitian Tropical Sea Mist!’

These are the Help! I Need an Energy Boost! remedies that I use but there are many more suggested in the article. You may want to take a look at it and consider one (or all) of the following:

Follow an Eat-For-Energy diet for a day-the article has a time line that includes protein meals, snacks and even a bedtime suggestion of chamomile herbal tea right before sleep. As we all know, a good night’s sleep is essential to feeling energy the next day.

Laugh. This is my favorite endorphin-producing act.

Be nice to a stranger.

Rise and seek the sun for 20 minutes within 15 minutes of getting out of bed.

Avoid Energy Vampires (and you know who they are!) like the Chronic Talker, The Sob Sister, The Blamer, and, well, you get the idea.

Learn forgiveness; of yourself and others.

Learn to breathe.

Dance. Even for a few minutes.

Three Minute Meditation. If you are a novice, the article suggests you search youtube.com for ‘Havasupai Indian Waterfall Relaxation Video’. Or start out trying to meditate for 10 seconds. Then the next time for 20 seconds. And so on.

Like I have mentioned, the holidays are looming over us and will be here (and over!) before we know it. We will all need energy big time and any little thing we do will help!
Coffee Body Scrub

Yield: 1 3/4 cups

Ingredients:

3/4 cups coffee, ground, used or fresh
1/2 cup corn meal
1/2 cup salt, can substitute sugar
2 Tbsp. olive oil or almond oil
30 drops essential oil, peppermint

Directions:

Mix well in bowl. Store in air-tight container.

For those of you sensitive to caffeine, you can use decaffeinated. If using the real thing, be aware of WHEN you use it; you don’t want to be up all night!

Air Mist

Yield: 4 ounces

Ingredients:

3 1/2 oz. water, distilled or filtered
1/2 oz. witch hazel (or rubbing alcohol)
35 drops essential oil, of your choice

Directions:

In 4 ounce bottle, mix in water and witch hazel. Carefully measure in essential oil directly in the bottle. Shake well before each use.

Citrus Blossom Essential Oil Blend

For the 4 ounces of air mist use the following oils and proportions:

10 drops jasmine
8 drops bergamot
6 drops grapefruit
6 drops orange
4 drops lemon

This is a favorite of many of my friends and I have used it in oils, lotions, body creams, bath salts and anything else that calls for an essential oil. It is well worth the search for ingredients. Very yummy.

The Healing Box

When thinking of a gift for a family member or a close friend, I always try to customize it to their personal likes and/or hobbies. But there is one gift I’ve given that takes it up a notch. I call this gift ‘The Healing Box.’

During our lives we are always challenged with every day stresses. It can be our children or spouse being difficult, the dog or cat are messing around, or we can find ourselves a little short on the coin 4 days away from pay day! As friends we try to support each other during these times by commiserating and listening. Then there are those times I call ‘Life Changing. Times’ like their or a loved one being diagnosed with cancer, any other dire diagnosis of some sort or, sadly, the death of a spouse or child. These occurrences can shift the planes of the Earth and Life, as we know it, and change our lives forever. When I see my friends faced with this, I’ve felt helpless and have wondered, ‘What I can I do to assist them and what can I say that will be good and not awkward or damaging?’ Then there are those times when I have felt so lost in what to do, I end up doing nothing and have later had regrets, a Lose-Lose situation.

A few years ago, I had a friend diagnosed with third-stage breast cancer. She was a single mom of a terrific 9-year-old son and was, frankly, devastated. We, her friends, gathered together as a support group and helped her find a doctor, helped her decide on what treatment to choose and kept her house clean and bodies fed. After doing all that, I still felt like I could more. We were taking care of all her physical needs but what could we do for her Spirit and Emotional needs? I came up with the idea of a Healing Box.

I found a pretty, wooden box at CostPlus World Market, about the size of a shoebox, and filled it with items I thought would help in her journey through and beyond her cancer. I gave each item lots of thought, keeping her beliefs and ideas in mind. In a card, I listed each item and wrote what compelled me to include it in her box. I will list the items I included and the narrative for each. You can use any kind of box since it doesn’t have to be one from World Market. I have used pretty boxes received as gifts, a hat box, a shoebox decorated with pictures and scrapbook items and I have even used a box made for storing pictures. The purpose of the container is to have the items you collected in something that can be stored on a shelf or under the bed for easy access, so it doesn’t really matter what it is.

Here is how I explain the box and its contents to the friend I am giving it to:

Dear Friend:

I am giving you what I call a Healing Box. This is what I felt I needed to do to help you through your trying time since I have been feeling helpless in how to fix all that is going on with you and knowing I can’t. I envision this box being used during your meditative times or quiet times in the morning.

It is wrapped in a pretty shawl whose colors remind me of you. Please place this around your body and imagine me and the Universe embracing you in our loving arms and wishing you only warmth and comfort.

The candle is to shine it’s golden, healing light over you while you are in your quiet moments.

The mirror is there to show not only your image but to help you reflect on what was, what is and what will be. It will also show you the woman I see: Strong, intuitive, beautiful, fearless and, yes, a little crazy! These are the characteristics I imagine will help you through this journey.

The picture frame is to hold the image of your most beloved. This is to remind you why you are going through this with the courage I know is inside you.

The CD is one I cherish and play while in my own time of meditation and want to share it with you. My wish is that it gives you the same comfort I receive.

The amethyst crystal is to give you protection, increase your intuitiveness and to help you remember your dreams.

The citrine is to help heal you, Body and Soul, and to give you personal power.

All of this is given with the wish that whatever the future has in store for you, it will include all the love and friendship you deserve. Please know that I always have you in my heart thoughts and I am only a phone call away.

much love,

sherry

Keep in mind the items can be any you think would be helpful during the friend’s challenging time.  I am also very careful in who I give this to and why. I usually reserve it for those who have something going on that is definitely more than the every day craziness we all experience. Sometimes I have taken just one of the items I usually put in the ‘Healing Box’ and given it to someone who only needs a little boost. The shawl by itself is nice because you can say, ‘I thought you needed a hug so put this on and think of me doing that for you!’ A crystal that represents a particular healing power is another nice gift by itself. I have also not limited doing this with only friends and family. Sometimes it will be an acquaintance I have heard about. Having done this, I have come to know them better and have made a new, close friend.

The first time I came up with this, an interesting thing has happened. When I gave the Healing Box,  it seemed a little healing occurred within myself. I felt so good giving something to somebody that tells her outright she is important to me and that I wish her well. The friend’s appreciation is reward enough, but the feeling of satisfaction for a job well done is a bonus.

Here is a list of crystals and stones along with their healing properties. I have tried to customize the crystal or stone to my friends’ needs.

Amethyst        protection, increase intuition, helps to remember dreams
Aquamarine   stone of joy and happiness. Protective stone of the traveler
Bloodstone     takes away the negativity and sadness
Carnelian       female stone, heals and balances the reproductive system
Citrine            healer and balancer of personal power
Lapis               helps to change negativity into positively
Moon Stone  increases intuition
Obsidian        grounds and centers
Onyx               connector with the cycle of life, protective
Opal                opens communication
Peridot           helps to heal and balance
Tourmaline
(black)     protective, deflects negativity from the wearer
(green)     helps with emotional change, bringing balance
(rubellite) cleanses and helps deal with sexual energies
(watermelon)  aids transitions
Turquoise       heals, connects self to higher self

I’m sure you’ve heard the song, ‘Don’t worry! Be happy!’ right? Well, when that song first came out eons ago, I was not in a good state of mind and didn’t appreciate some song telling me that all I had to do was stop worrying and just be happy! My mind kept yelling, ‘HOW??!!’

I have said before that I haven’t always been the happiest of people. Not many would know that since I was an expert on having a brilliant facade that hid all my unhappiness. I had everything that anyone would need to be happy; I had a husband who was a good provider, I had three strong, brilliant sons who also used that brilliance in many, creative ways to make my life a challenge and I had a warm, loving extended family.

But.

I wasn’t happy. Knowing what I had and not being happy was so depressing. I would constantly berate myself into thinking I should be grateful but at the same time found myself thinking that ‘if only things were different, I would be happy.’ If only my husband spent more time with me and treated me the way I thought I should be treated. If only my sons would stop bickering and get along and appreciate me more. If only we had a bigger house where we could all fit into it. If only my mom would stop being so intrusive. If only we had more money so we could do more things. If only people would be different so I could get along with them better. I could be a better wife, if only. I could be a better mom, if only. I could be a better friend, if only.

Do you see that pattern I was living? I probably would have continued in this state of chronic sadness if my mom hadn’t been diagnosed with lung cancer 16 years ago. After caring for her until she finally passed, I started my spiral down. I had never lost anyone before my mom, was not prepared for the grief and had no idea how to get through it. After four years I finally reached a point of complete misery. I was ‘done’ with being unhappy. I was ‘done’ with being miserable. I was ‘done’ with doing self-sabotaging acts that kept my life in chaos and angst. I was just ‘DONE.’

This is where my life took a different turn. It was suggested that I find help. I resisted since I’ve always been so smart and knew what was best for me. And look where that smart thinking got me! Though I resisted (loudly) to going to anyone for help, I went. Grudgingly. Did I mention I was also stubborn? So, I went.  It was gently pointed out to me that grief needed to be addressed head on no matter how much it hurt and that the only person who was responsible for my happiness was me. Just me.

And that was NOT what I wanted to hear. I had been convinced myself that people, places and things were to blame for my feeling the way I did! Not me! I was the victim! But I stayed and listened. I decided that since my best thinking got me where I was that day, it might be a good idea to listen to someone else’s ideas on what I should do. I’m not sure what made me finally come to that conclusion, but I can say that I am grateful for it. I promised myself that I would do anything necessary to make myself better. I owed that to the memory of my mom, who was my biggest champion, and I owed it to my husband and sons. And, I owed it to myself.

If anyone else finds themselves in this position, I hope that they decide one day that they, too, are ‘done.’ How do you know if you’re happy or just pretending to be? And if you’re not happy, what now? Not everyone can afford therapy, I know that, but I also know that there are resources that can help you. So how can one assess exactly where they are in the Happiness area?

In my pursuit for happiness, which continues to this day (who can say that there’s any such thing as TOO much happiness?) I have come across a happiness assessment test. from Oprah’s website.

I took this test last month and was very pleased when my score came up in the highest range. Then I thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be interesting to take it as if it were 13 years ago?’ I put myself back in that Dark Place, took the test and was very intrigued to see that I fell in the Self-care category, which was 2nd from the last. And scored in the lowest portion of that category so I was close to the bottom. I was quick to say a Gratitude Blessing that I was able to be where I am today, and not back there where I was so miserable. I encourage you to go to that link and take the test. It’s only 10 questions so it’s very quick. Try  hard to be rigidly honest in your answers.

So you’ve taken The Happiness Test, find yourself in an area where you’re not thrilled with and think, ‘So what do I do now?’ I have a couple suggestions. One is go back to Oprah’s website and click on the 10 Ways to Increase Your Happiness.

These are guidelines on how you can make changes in different areas of your life. There are other links related to this subject on the same site that may be inspiring and encourage you to do something different. Aren’t we all guilty of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? Well, this may be the time to decide that doing something different will give you the results you desire.

When I was going through all that therapy, I was given many assignments that helped lead me out of that dark place I had myself in. My first assignment was to make a corner for myself to do my morning devotionals in. I have a chair, side table with a lamp, candles, pictures of my loved ones, books for self-study and a journal. It was suggested that I take time every morning, before I did anything else, to have a cup of tea (or coffee), sit in my chair, play a little music, and reflect and read and write in my journal. Now, at the time, I was working full-time in my husband’s office and still had one teenager at home who was very creative in his activities! Who had time to get up every morning and do this? After much complaining, it was gently suggested to me that maybe all my excuses were just that. Excuses. Maybe I was using everything in my life as excuses to avoid having to face the biggest culprit in my unhappiness: Me. Well, now. So, since I HAD promised to listen and do whatever was necessary to put all this to an end, I complied (again, grudgingly) and did it. Some mornings it was for only a few minutes, maybe ten. And on those mornings where I had more time, I took it. And after a few weeks, I started looking forward to it.

I was given a couple of books to help me through the first stage of my journey. One was ‘Simple Abundance; A Daybook of Comfort and Joy‘ by Sarah Ban Breathnach. This book is a quiet, gentle path towards 6 areas we need to aspire to: Gratitude, Simplicity, Order, Harmony, Beauty and Joy. From this book, I got my next big assignment: Every night, before I went to sleep, I needed to write down 5 things I was grateful for from that day. Every night. I did this for over two years. The miracle of it was how much it changed me inside and out. In the first three months, I felt a change come over me. Before I would think about what I needed, wanted, and desired in life. Now, for the first time, I was starting to understand the concept of, ‘Be grateful for what you have.’ It was not easy for me, but I eventually acquired a state of gratefulness that has become constant to this day. The rest of the areas helped me simplify my life (why need more if I was grateful for what I already had?), give it some order (so much easier when you don’t have as much ‘stuff’), which led to Harmony, Beauty, and, finally, Joy. This is a daily journey with just one page per day (so it’s quick!) that lasts for one year. Since it starts Jan 1, this is the perfect time for you to get this book and start your own journey towards Joy.

Another area of study was one of myself. I had some grief to deal with and residual issues from my childhood I still needed to face and get past and, so again, I was given the assignment of learning what those issues were, why I hung on to them, and what I needed to do to get past them. The book that helped me the most was Dr. Phil’s ‘Self Matters’. I know! I know! A lot of people think he’s some clown on TV yelling at people to ‘Get real!’ And you’re right. He’s like that. But one thing I learned from him is that when it comes to human behavior, what we do to make our lives miserable and how we can be more accountable for our own behavior, he is brilliant. This book not only addresses all of that, he gives you ‘homework’ to help delve into yourself and find out what you can do to get past all that is holding you back from being happy and becoming the authentic you. This was not easy. No one wants to revisit parts of our lives that made us unhappy. But until we can revisit those times, feel the pain of those times all the way through, we can’t get better. Avoiding them and putting them on the back burner is just a way of allowing them to come back willy-nilly and haunt us again. Once felt all the way, the pain goes away. It also helps you stop being a victim. I was the Queen of Victims and was convinced that everyone was responsible for the way I felt. I now know that I was not a victim, I was a volunteer to feeling the way I did, and I had to be more diligent in accepting that and moving on. Being accountable for my own actions and words was a hard concept for me to accept. But it was one I needed to accept before I could ever hope to achieve a healed state of being.  I would suggest you try this book and know that since you don’t have to hear his voice, you can imagine it’s someone else other than Dr. Phil telling you what to do. I know for sure this book helped me tremendously.

These suggestions were just the beginning lessons for me. Since then I have read dozens and dozens of books to help me with my Self Study and the rewards have been limitless. I can put myself back in the Dark Ages anytime I want. And I do that when I find myself obsessing too much on what life is not giving me and not focusing enough on living life on life’s terms. This act reminds me that I don’t want to be that way ever again, and I need to continue my journey forward, not backwards. The pursuit of happiness is never-ending. To be happy, we have to work on it. Every day. And I’m sure if my mom were with me today, she would be proud.